Parent & Caregiver Guide

Understanding Abuse and Supporting Your Child

What Is Child Sexual Abuse?
Child sexual abuse can involve sexual contact, behavior, or communication involving a child that is forced, coerced, manipulated, or otherwise inappropriate.

It may include:

• Sexual contact between a child and an adult or older child involving force, pressure, threats, manipulation, or bribes
• Sexual contact between a child and an adult
• Touching a child's private areas, over or under clothing
• Sexual penetration, including with an object
• Sexual acts forced between children

Sexual abuse does not always involve physical contact. It may also include:

• Sexualized conversations or comments
• Exposing a child to sexual acts or nudity
• Voyeurism or “peeping”
• Exposing a child to or involving a child in pornography
• Online sexual exploitation, including sexual messages, images, or requests

Children may not tell about abuse right away—or may not tell everything at once. They may feel confused, frightened, embarrassed, responsible, or worried about what will happen to someone they care about. An offender may also use gifts, attention, threats, manipulation, or secrecy to prevent a child from telling.

Disclosure can be a process, not a single event.
A child may:

• Delay telling
• Tell only part of what happened
• Share additional information over time
• Have difficulty finding the words to explain what happened
• Deny or recant a disclosure

Be patient. Most importantly, let your child know that they are not responsible for what happened.

People who abuse children do not fit a particular appearance, personality, or background. An offender may be someone the child knows and trusts. Offenders may use grooming to build trust, create opportunities to be alone with a child, test boundaries, and encourage secrecy.
Grooming may include:

• Giving gifts, attention, or special privileges
• Developing a special relationship with the child
• Creating opportunities for alone time
• Gradually introducing inappropriate touching or conversations
• Testing the child's boundaries
• Making the child feel responsible
• Using threats or secrecy to prevent the child from telling

Children can also be harmed by other children. When sexual behavior involves force, coercion, intimidation, or significant differences in age, size, development, or power, adults should seek professional guidance.

Children respond to trauma differently. Some children show noticeable changes, while others may not.
You may notice changes in:

• Mood or behavior
• Sleep or appetite
• School performance or concentration
• Friendships or activities
• Anxiety or fears
• Anger or irritability
• Withdrawal or isolation
• Attachment or separation concerns
• Physical complaints such as stomachaches

There is no single “right” way for a child to respond to abuse.
Try not to look for symptoms in every behavior. Instead, pay attention to significant or ongoing changes and seek professional guidance when you have concerns

Your response can make an important difference.
Do:

• Stay calm and listen
• Believe and support your child.
• Tell your child, “This was not your fault.”
• Let your child know they are safe and loved.
• Allow your child to express their feelings.
• Maintain familiar routines when possible.
• Help your child identify trusted adults they can turn to.
• Follow the guidance of the professionals working with your family.

Avoid:

• Pressuring your child to talk.
• Repeatedly asking for details.
• Suggesting answers.
• Blaming or shaming your child.
• Making promises about what will happen.
• Telling your child what to say during the forensic interview.

If your child begins talking about what happened, listen and provide support. Let the trained forensic interviewer conduct the detailed interview.

Simple, supportive statements can mean a great deal.

“I believe you.”
“This was not your fault.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“I will take care of you.”
“I am here for you.”

When abuse is reported, caregivers may experience many emotions—including shock, anger, fear, guilt, sadness, helplessness, or disbelief. These feelings are understandable. You may also experience complicated feelings if the person accused of harming your child is someone you know or love.
Remember:
The person responsible for the abuse is responsible for the abuse.
You do not have to figure everything out at once. Focus on your child's safety and well-being, and allow trusted professionals to help you through the process. If you need support, ask your CAC Family Advocate about resources for you and your family.

Once a report is made, several professionals may become involved. The process generally includes:

• A report is made to law enforcement or DCFS.
• A forensic interview may be conducted at the CAC.
• A medical evaluation may be recommended when appropriate.
• The investigation continues through law enforcement and/or DCFS.
• The multidisciplinary team reviews the case and coordinates next steps.
• The case may proceed through the legal system, depending on the circumstances.

The investigation and legal process can take time. You may not always know what is happening at every moment, and you may be asked to wait while professionals complete their work. This can feel difficult, but the coordinated approach is designed to protect your child and reduce unnecessary interviews and additional trauma.

Parents and caregivers are generally not present in the interview room. This helps the interviewer obtain information without placing additional pressure on the child. Your child will know where you are, and the interviewer will help your child feel comfortable and understand the process.
You are still an important part of your child's support system—you simply support your child from outside the interview room.

Not every case results in criminal charges, and every case is different. If a case enters the legal system, there may be hearings, negotiations, or a trial. The process can take months or longer. The CAC and the professionals involved in your child's case can help you understand what to expect and connect you with appropriate resources
Your child's healing does not have to wait for the legal process to end.

The investigation and legal process are important, but they are only part of your child's journey. Your child needs safety, stability, support, and reassurance.
Listen. Believe. Support.
You and your child do not have to navigate this alone.

You and your child may have questions about what to tell relatives, friends, teachers, or others.
You do not owe anyone an explanation.
Your child deserves privacy and should have as much choice as possible about who knows what happened. Before sharing information, consider whether the person is someone you trust to respond with compassion and support. If your child told someone else first, remember that this does not mean they did not trust you. Children sometimes tell the person they feel safest approaching at that moment or someone they believe can help them tell a parent or caregiver.

Protect Your Child's Privacy

• Share information only with people who need to know or can provide meaningful support.
• Avoid discussing details of the abuse in front of your child or others.
• Talk with your child about who will be told when appropriate.
• Remind your child that what happened is not their fault.
• Protect your child's privacy without making the experience feel like a shameful secret.

When Someone Asks Questions

People may ask questions because they are concerned, but some questions may be intrusive or hurtful.
You can simply say:
“I’d rather not discuss the details.”
“This has been a difficult time for our family.”
“I appreciate your concern, but we are keeping this private.”
“We are focusing on helping our child heal.”
You do not have to defend your parenting, explain what happened, or answer questions about the investigation.

Prepare Your Child

Your child does not have to answer questions about what happened.
Help your child identify a simple response, such as:
“I don't want to talk about it.”
“My family is helping me.”
“Please don't ask me about it

If you suspect abuse call your local police department, 911, or the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services at 1-800-25-ABUSE (1-800-252-2873)